Sunday, June 12, 2011

Day Thirty One: A strange feeling

This morning, I woke up when my daughter called me from her crib.  We ate some toast for breakfast and read some books.  I gave her a cup of juice and put her in the stroller and went for a run.  We ended up at the neighborhood farmers market, ran into friends, bought some peaches, played on the swings.  Then we went home and had lunch.

This is boring, Noelle, why are you telling us this?

Because it is Sunday.  I'm not supposed to be at the swingset on Sunday morning.

I have had the occasional Sunday off.  I have been on vacation and not gone to church.

But for some reason, this particular Sunday felt strange.  Maybe because I was in my "normal" habitat.  I didn't take the opportunity of a Sunday off to fly the coop, to get out of dodge.  It was strange to see my neighborhood on Sunday morning.  It pretty much looks the same as Friday mornings.  Except that it is Sunday.

Sundays are, by and large, the anchor of my week.  There is a myth among some factions in the Christian world that ministers only work on Sundays and spend the rest of the week sitting around praying or writing sermons or twiddling our thumbs.  This is, of course, not true.  We work pretty darn hard the rest of the week.  But Sundays can be particularly intense.

Removing that bubble of intensity from my week is, admittedly, kind of nice.  Relaxing.  Restful.  But it is also unnerving.  I can't shake that funny feeling that I'm supposed to be somewhere or that I'll get found out as a fraud (She's not supposed to be buying peaches!  She's a priest!).  There is also that unsettling feeling that...well... I'm missing church, which is something that I love, not just as my vocation, but as my faith practice, my grounding.  I've had the opportunity to worship in a few different places since beginning my sabbatical.  These new places are partially filling the hole, but it is a little hard to be a religious vagabond.  My faith is deeply rooted in community and, as a visitor, I am by definition not rooted in that community.

It is possible that I'll get used to relaxing Sunday mornings.  I doubt it.

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